Wednesday, July 25, 2018

The Healing Powers of Sauna PodsUpgraded



I'm ready to blast off
>> All right, and just don't touch the lights cuz they're hot, obviously
>> We see you survived the uprising, congratulations. I'm Jamie. >> And I am your new ruler, Jeffrey. >> And this is Upgraded.

>> A show that explores the future of
self care by embracing new technology. >> What if you don't care
about the future of yourself? >> Have some self respect. Is it hot in here today? >> That's actually just the heat
of my own thought crimes radiating from my big old head. But your treatment today does
harness the power of the sun.

>> The sun and I aren't on speaking terms,
it's jealous of me. >> We're putting you in a sauna pod. [MUSIC] >> Pods? Today's treatment was suggested by,
[SOUND]. Sauna pods are little claustrophobic
spaceship looking things full of jade stones that help you sweat out your toxins
and excess weight completely holistically.

Unlike a normal sauna, infrared sauna pods apply heat to your body directly instead
of heating up the air around you. >> Can I sweat out these? >> No, but you can sweat off weight,
sweat out toxins, improve your skin, relieve muscle and joint paint, improve
blood circulation, and clear up skin. >> I'm going to enter a hot caterpillar
and exit a fresh, hungry butterfly. >> Sexy.

>> Has anyone else become
a pod person before? >> Lots of white women. Jennifer Aniston, Lady Gaga, Cindy
Crawford, and the queen of supplanting selfcare for a good hard look in the
mirror herself, Gwyneth Paltrow tried it. >> So Ill be making history as the first
unicorn sorcerer hybrid to try this. >> Obviously.

>> Are there any risks? >> Again, it's not a cocoon per se, but some sources do argue that too much
sauna bathing can kill your sperm count. >> I reproduce asexually anyways. There are up to 10 Jeffreys running
around the city at any given time. >> Whoa, what are the other Jeffreys like? >> I could tell you, but
then I'd have to make you one of us.

[MUSIC] >> My gosh. [MUSIC] >> Welcome to Saunabar. >> Hey.
>> Hi. >> Today you are going to experience
an amazing infrared sauna pod treatment.

It's all about detox on a cellular level,
relieving anxiety, stress and pain, and
also awakening glowing skin. >> That sounds amazing. >> Will it burn fat at all? >> Yeah, up to 600 calories per session. >> Great.
That's like a burger, bye.

>> It's amazing. I'm excited for you to try it out. >> I am too. [SOUND] Wait,
am I gonna get actually burnt? >> No, absolutely not.

These are the healing rays of the sun. Infrared therapy heats your body from the
inside out to relax, refresh, and heal. >> We just wanted to make sure
no risk of a final destination. >> Absolutely not.

>> Well I'm loosing blood rapidly,
so I'm gonna go. >> Yeah, I was gonna ask,
why do you have a pad on your face? >> I just got sucked dry by leeches. >> Okay.
>> But have an amazing time. Bye.

>> Bye leech. >> All right Jeffrey,
are you ready for your experience? >> Yeah.
Do I need to be naked? >> I'll help you get naked if you want to. >> Is it better if I'm naked? >> You'll see. >> My god.

[MUSIC] >> So this is the infrared sauna pod. Infrared heat penetrates
directly into the body and actually heats you from the inside out. So what that means is your body is able to
heal itself in terms of pain, stiffness, stress, anxiety, and you're gonna get
better sleep by doing sauna sessions. >> Like a snake.

>> Shedding your skin,
like that way, or what? [LAUGH] Ergonomic bed,
you're laying on jade stones. There's 440 of them, so
that's gonna add to the healing. >> And this is jade? >> Jade crystal. >> Jamie has one of these in her pussy.

>> Well, you know what? I would recommend that as well. >> Jade, you know what I'm saying? Am I gonna sweat? >> You'll sweat at the end. >> At the end, why the end? >> Because, remember I said,
it's heating you from the inside out? >> So first of all,
you're kind of sweaty on the inside, and then at the very end you're
sweaty on the outside. >> My God.
>> And you're gonna have a nice glow.

>> A nice glow. >> One of my favorite benefits
is that I meditate in here, and I go out of body, I float. >> Wow, okay. >> I call it my little pod of perfection.

[SOUND]
>> Do I have to take off my clothes? >> You're gonna take your shoes off. >> Not my underwear. Well, my shoes I have to take off. They are AllSaints.

>> Okay, and
then you're gonna leave your undies on. >> You don't want the fluids
on the jade stones. >> Yeah, exactly. >> You can't exactly boil this.

>> [SOUND] All right, you're ready to go. >> Yes, let's get it. All right. >> I'll turn the lights down.

>> I'm ready to blast off. >> Fantastic. >> See you later, bitches. >> All right, and just dont touch
the light because theyre hot obviously.

>> Aah! >> Grab onto it. >> Stop, stop, elephant. >> Is that your safe word? >> No, its okay, go ahead. [SOUND]
>> All right, you are all set.

Enjoy your time in here. [MUSIC] And all you have to do is just breathe and
relax. >> I just need a blessing. >> All right.

Giving you a blessing now. [MUSIC] >> I would have to say I am very relaxed. I am very warm. I am going to go ahead and
take off my underwear.

That way I can really feel
like a snake on a rock. [MUSIC] I feel like my brain's gonna explode. [MUSIC] Jeffery, you're glowing. [MUSIC] >> Disney should make
another movie about drugs.

>> All right, Jeffery. How are you feeling? >> [SOUND] I feel amazing. I feel so relaxed. >> Can I open this or are you naked? >> You will find out.

>> Wow, there's so much glow on your body. [LAUGH]
>> Thank you so much. >> You're welcome. >> This was a really interesting and
relaxing experience.

>> Right, enjoy. >> Okay, good bye. >> Good bye. [MUSIC] >> Sauna pods are amazing.

[MUSIC] I'm burnt. I'm in excruciating pain. Don't do it, don't go to the sauna pods,
you're gonna burn your fucking skin. Don't get it, don't do it.

Just kidding, that wasn't a sunburn. I was doing an ice and flush,
I highly recommend it. [MUSIC]
So yeah, it's been a few days since the sauna pod,
and actually, I liked it. And I feel like my skin
felt a lot more calm.

I wish I had put on some light oil or something while I was in there
to really maximize its benefits. But other than that, I think it was
definitely more of a meditation pod. I would love to go in there and
do that as a daily thing. I'm glowing.

>> You are glowing, you look amazing. You seemed so happy in that little pod. Would you live in a pod? I'd live in a pod. >> You do live in a pod.

>> I just wanna be alone. >> Jamie did you bury your hamster yet? >> No, she's still in my freezer. She's still in my-
>> You've got to cook her! >> All right,
we've got a comment here from LA Blahhh. She says, I love that Jamie has
the same chin acne that I do, and then an emoji of two women dancing.

>> Sisterhood is important. >> And adult acne sisterhood,
well that's just priceless. >> That shit was gay as fuck,
but hilarious. [SOUND] All the people at SUPERDELUXE.

Seem like they are all hiding the fact
that they kill people in their basement. It just feels like they are all fake
happy, and they really want to die. Didn't anyone get this vibe or
is it just me? Well with 1,001 upvotes, I think you
know what we're doing here, Zach. >> I have no idea what
Zach Oovo Javer is talking about, and I won't answer any more questions.

[SOUND]
>> Jamie's up next. What procedure should we have her do? Seriously, tell us. Here's some you've already suggested. [MUSIC] This is Jeffery Eight reminding
you to subscribe to Super Deluxe.

>> And your conventional
beauty standard of choice. [MUSIC].

The Healing Powers of Sauna PodsUpgraded

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